After Iowa and New Hampshire it is clear that Willard Mitt Romney will be the Republican nominee.

Ron Paul’s second place finish is New Hampshire is more a symptom of the weak field he’s competing in than his actual viability. And that “ticket” out of New Hampshire that Jon Huntsman is claiming with his third place showing? For the love of Joseph Smith, someone please tell him it’s only a Greyhound coupon.

It is beyond unlikely that any of the remaining Republican hopefuls will be able to muster the needed money, boots on the ground, or momentum to head off Romney’s eventual coronation.

That doesn’t mean they won’t try. And why wouldn’t they?

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This year, the Republican nominating contest has been the gift that keeps on giving. With Christmas and the Iowa Caucuses just around the corner, and since I was not raised by wolves, I know one should always say thank you after receiving a gift. In the spirit of the season, here is that thank you.

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, one wild-eyed Iowa straw poll winner. From the “pray the gay away” clinic Michele Bachmann runs with her extremely masculine husband Marcus, to her gaffes-a-plenty campaign — who can forget the time she confused John Wayne and serial killer John Wayne Gacy? — it has been a delight watching the Bachmann campaign collapse.

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We are just weeks away from the first votes being cast in the race for the Republican presidential nomination – which means it is only a matter of time before Rick Perry, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, Michele Bachmann, Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, and Jon Huntsman enter the ranks of presidential also-rans.

Getting here hasn’t been easy for Willard Mitt Romney — he’s hardly ever led the Republican pack in the polls. No, the former single-term governor of Massachusetts has had to wait for the preferred candidates of the GOP’ tea party base to either bow out before announcing or gaffe their way into oblivion.

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Conventional wisdom pushers and the beltway chattering class have been scrambling to explain the crushing defeat Republicans suffered in the 2011 elections.

To hear them spin it, Republicans lost because they “overreached.” The GOP went too far they say.

Ridiculous.

Let me say this is as clearly and as simply as I can: Republicans did not overreach. What they did is who they are. It is what they stand for. It is what they campaign on.

To claim otherwise would be like saying fish live under water because they suffer from unquenchable thirst.

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If you haven’t yet heard, the so-called “liberal media” is out to get Herman Cain.

To believe conservatives, members of a “liberal media” cabal began conspiring to take down the former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza more than a decade ago when he was head lobbyist at the National Restaurant Association in the late 1990s knowing he’d seek the 2012 Republican nomination.

It was then that two women were planted deep inside Cain’s organization with the expressed purpose of accusing their boss of sexual harassment. Adding to the devious plot, these women were then told to accept large cash settlements in exchange for silence that was only to be broken years later when the women would come forward as anonymous sources to the “liberal media.”

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The 1956 Broadway classic My Fair Lady tells the story of lowly Cockney flower girl Eliza Doolittle who embarks on a mission to pass as a proper English lady with the help of professor Henry Higgins, a speech therapist.

Higgins does help Doolittle transform. But in the end, we realize that she had it in her all along. She was the ugly duckling so to speak.

Deep down inside, I wish there was a modern professor Higgins who could work his courtly English magic on the Republican Party. Only he wouldn’t be focusing on their diction, posture, wardrobe, and manners… well, maybe their manners. If I had my druthers, he’d zero in on their homophobia.
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A virus has taken hold within the modern conservative movement. No one knows for sure what has caused this plague but many believe it is transmitted through close contact at boisterous tea parties.

The most obvious, visible symptom is the incessant need to refer to oneself as a “constitutional conservative.”

To give you an idea of how far the illness has spread, here are some examples from the Republican wild.

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“I can’t trust Obama. I have read about him and he’s not, he’s not, uh, he’s an Arab.”

Those words, spoken by an elderly woman on microphone steps from Senator John McCain during a campaign rally, were among the defining moments of the 2008 election, which was plagued by racially charged tensions.

To his credit, McCain took the microphone from the easily mocked seasoned citizen and informed the audience that contrary to the woman’s assertion, Obama was  “a decent family man and citizen that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues.”

You know things are bad when you look back on the rancor and race-baiting of 2008 with nostalgia.

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